i am a weakling

I really couldn’t control my feelings that I have been bottling up inside. The feeling is like I am a unopened pepsi bottle, shaken real hard with all my troubles. Finally I popped open, letting all the contents out.

Luckily it wasn’t a mess, it fact, spilling out make things better. Communication was better and yes, we have a long way to go.

I always felt that I could be a better daughter and I will try my best. My dad is getting old and yet I have never looked at him closely to see his wrinkles on his face. His weary.  I really missed being part of the family. I stayed away for too long… 2 long years without them makes me upset.

Mom is getting old too, but nevertheless, she is still so happy and joyful. Sad things don’t linger around her for long. She is the real joker.

Boy and I have been around each other for the past 5 years. He made me a upset person because he never seem to really understand when I say I am upset. He loves to joke too much and nothing is ever really grave serious to him. He is also a joker. Everytime I tell him a problem he just replies ” don’t be sad, I bring you out go eat yummy foodies and you will be happy”. I think this verse happens in Korean movies. In reality, I really needed some serious advice and a calm listening hear who can empathise with me. Well, he is sweet and all, but because of his lack of seriousness, I hide things to myself and always tempermental.  I know I cannot exactly blame him, because I refused to open up as being weak towards him.

Now that I did show my weak side, it seems he prefers me to be weak and let him be the shoulder that I can rely on. And surprisingly, I liked the feeling of him protecting me. I actually felt loved once again.

I know he loves me, and I know we are bound together this life. I will treasure and not forsake.

Thank god for sending someone like him into my life. I will mean nothing without him.

I have been pretty busy with the new blog. Trying to figure out how exactly wordpress works!
Anyway, the blog is pretty much up. Just missing out another link to sell of second hand clothings. Since I have loads of clothes that I am not wearing any longer. In fact some of them are pretty new as I only worn them a few times.
I get bored easily with clothes. Well, no harm trying. Only time is needed.

I really cannot wait for my cruise. Another 1 month plus to go.
I am tightening my purse strings for this trip. After this cruise, I want to go Shanghai!
The key for more holidays is to SAVE! entering lucky draws is not my cup of tea.

I am on my Koko Crunch lunch diet this whole week. And having small portions of dinner.
I hate putting on weight on the hippies-.-”

The confrontation?

Yes, I know I did say that I wanted to tell her exactly what I feel.
But I did not . Guess I do not know where to start.
I do not know when I gotten sick of her behavior.
There are many things that I am unsure of, so how am I gonna write?

Well, I am gonna start with Chapter genesis today. The beginning.
Wish me luck

Recently I have been busy constructing my new blog.
Trying to find inspiration to create my first 20 posts.
When its done, please leave some comments
Good or Bad is all welcomed.

Just that if it is a bad comment, don’t be a coward and go anonymous.

D

I have just read her blog recently and I felt disappointed.

It says:-
“ yar.
but seriously.
i hate it that i care.
that you don’t care.

i have no idea why i don’t delete them off my contact list.
friends? *scoff!
my ass!” -

I know I should not assume that she is talking about the bunch of us, but I cannot find other reasons to tell myself she is not talking about us.
Because I still give a damn about her and I know why.
Now I am still holding on a glimpse of hope that she will be more sensible and change into a better person.
Changing for herself and not for others. I do not want her to change just to please me, but for herself .
I am actually no one to judge her. To me, the way she leads her life maybe different from me or others, but she might be happy with whatever she is doing.
There are many people who have sterotype jobs like banking, marketing and doing everything that everyone deems is politically correct. But are they truely happy?

The problem is, I cannot totally blame her for the above sentence highlighted in BLUE.
Reason is, I never told her how I really felt about her behavior, never told her how she upsetted me and affect me emotionally.
Many things to confess and get them off my chest. Its not fair to her if she doesn’t know the reason about why I intentionally drifted apart from her.
I am at fault too. I have failed to consider the feelings she has right now.

Although one too many times, I had told myself that I am over this friendship.
But I am not and the only to mend or break this friendship is me being totally transparent with her.
Now I am holding on to a glimpse of hope that we will still be able to be friends the way it used to be.
I am afraid that after emailing her that letter, the glimspe of hope might be crushed into nothingness.
I am afraid that she may disagree and fuck me back, which I think will really end the friendship.
I am afraid but I need to resolve it. I do not like unfinished business.

Stay tuned for the outcome. Wish me luck.

 

The September Plan: Happy 5th Anniversary

So September plans.
30th September 2010 happens to be our 5th year anniversary together and that gives us a reason to go on a holiday./
We have thought of going to Australia, however it is abit too hasty, thought of going Bali but its another sun and sea affair which we had quite enough of it at Desaru. So….. we have decide to go on a 5 day cruise on Superstar Virgo which will bring us to Phuket island, Langkawi Island, Redang Island and Kuala Lumpur. Have not been on cruise for ages! I have been on cruise for 3 days 2 night, but there is not stopovers… I guess it will be a fun experience for us Boy is now so excited, and he can mimick Leonardo Dicaprio for all I care… whahhahahah

Price is now the issue, have to go check it out. Hope it is reasonable and then our dreams can come true

Lazy Sunday

Sunday was a pretty slow weekend.
As boy could not walk properly, we have decided to skip dim sum with the lovelies and coop at home.

Made him do grocery shopping with me.
We made minced chicken & cheese sausage spagetti and Dory fish for lunch.
The weather was perfect for a slack in, hence we had hoeggarden and mini magnums along our lazy sunday.

I wont say I was totally lazy.
I washed the bedsheets which had the bf’s bloodstains that he gotten from the bad fall.
Tiring!!!! Scrub scrub , handwash, machine wash and TADAH! nice and clean!

Did some online shopping at ASOS.
The first batch I ordered arrived and everything fits perfectly!
I simply love their designs. Designs you can never get in forever 21, River Island or Topshop.
The material quality is good and their lingeries never fail to be at a good price.

I have another batch coming in next week and I am making my 3rd order soon. Which includes men’s clothings, well, men also order online lor… like Choonkiat and Mick … haha.

Suddenly, Mondays do not seem as dreadful as before.
Next weekend, shall be a mellow one as well.

I shall aim to exercise 3 times this week.
Though my legs are aching from last week’s blading session, I need to keep in shape liao. Belly is resurfacing.

My boy is hilarious.
Over the barbeque, he drank quite a fair bit and got high.
He went to take our rollerblades as we wanted to do some exercise.

In the end, have not even blade, he fell into a drain and gotten some really mean bad cuts and abrasion.
Now i am his personal nurse.
Buying creams, anticeptic washes, bandages and plasters and helping him to wash  his hair.

Saturday & Sunday plans are cancelled for me. How can I leave my poor boy at home and me going out to have fun.
Just doesnt feel right.

Anyway it has been dvds, beer and Mcdonalds supper. Quite a pretty relax weekend for me.
Hope he gets better soon. I hope.